On being disabled

We have a monthly service at our church for the developmentally disabled that we call "Sonshine Fellowship." It's an odd service, programmed for people with limited function and/or cognitive ability. They are a joy. I watch them as they come in and see their excitement at being here and it is humbling. I watch them sing, recognizing that many of them probably do not fully understand what exactly they are doing. Many simply do things that they see others doing, following so that they are not left out.

I look in their eyes, and in many of them I see pure and unadulterated joy. I look in the eyes of others, though, and I see shadows. I wonder what it would be like to be inside of their brains. Do they have an awareness that they are, well, disabled? That's the label we put on them as a society, but do they feel disabled? Do they view themselves that way? I'm sure that cognitive levels vary and so different individuals will have different levels of awareness of what they can and cannot do compared to others.

It makes me wonder, do we really recognize just how disabled we are? Do we see the stuff inside of us that locks us up and suspends us in a state of arrested development? I think of the emotional junk we all carry around, not to mention the "sinful nature" that plagues us (thanks Adam and Eve!!!), and I wonder if we could stand it if we ever really saw it all.

Of course, maybe those who are farthest on the journey are the ones who have seen themselves in their most disabled form, fallen into the loving arms of God, and been content to be counted among the needy. Perhaps they are the ones whose eyes glow with the greatest joy.